I wish I could say that I am never jealous of anyone, but that is not the case. Occasionally, I am. But more and more, I find myself being able to choose joy over jealousy. We do have a choice. Did you know that? It’s a choice. It’s true. Now, being able to make the right choice is where the hard part comes in.
Jealousy, as defined by Dictionary.com, is “feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.” Now, on to the word envy. Envy is defined by the same source as “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.” No matter how you slice it, that doesn’t sound like joy to me. And guess what? It’s not.
You can’t be jealous and have joy at the same time. God knew that. He told us not to worry about what we have or don’t have. He said we shouldn’t covet. Covet is just a fancy way of saying you are physically aching to get your hands on something someone else has. You want it so badly that you feel it. And that also doesn’t sound like fun to me. Why waste your time in a state like that?!
It is natural for us to see and want things. God knows we do. He has put in our hearts the ability to desire things, including Him! But in His divine wisdom, He gives us what we need. There is definitely a difference between a need and a want. And the closer we get to Him, the more likely we are to ask for what He wants to give us. So, when our wants and desires line up with His, we get them. That’s joy! I know. But… But…
- I hate the place I work! I wanted out, but the places I applied all hired other people. I am sure they were not as good as I am. It should have been me. I deserved those jobs.
- I have been trying to have a child for years, and my neighbors have a houseful. I wish they were my kids. I deserved a child. Why were they given so many, and I couldn’t even have just one.
- I am driving a junker car, while brother drives a brand new Audi. It makes me sick! Don’t you deserve a new car too? I work just as hard.
I know you may have said those very things to yourself and more. I know I have. And the voices in our heads can be really loud. Maybe yours even stomp their feet when they talk. Mine do, if I let them. Now, I have no degree that backs up my spiritual knowledge, but I do have life experience and lots of individual study time. So what works?
For me, one of the ways I can talk myself down from a high horse pity party about something someone else has that I want is to come up with a possible explanation for the circumstance I’m in, to try and see what God might be doing. Is He teaching me something? Is He teaching them something? By withholding whatever it is, is He actually protecting me? Lots of possibilities.
Now, let’s try that out. Let’s flip the scripts on those three wants.
- God must have me in this job for a reason. All these other doors are staying closed. I am sure the places I applied have a lot of other qualified applicants. It was probably a hard decision choosing. Maybe there is something God is preparing me for, something even better. Or maybe I am not taking the right steps. I need to talk to Him about this. I can’t wait to see which door he does open.
- I really had hoped to have children of my own, but I am so thankful that God has blessed my neighbors like that. I know their kids bring them so much joy. It is so much fun watching them play in the yard together. I love hearing them laugh. I wonder if I should look into fostering. Maybe God has my hands free for a child in need? I could also ask my neighbors if they ever need help with the kids, I am available. I’d love to babysit for them. All the fun and none of the responsibility. LOL.
- My brother works so hard. He is really smart, and I bet he got a great deal on that car. He’s also really good with money. I bet he saved up. I need to get some advice on how to handle my money better. I do love Audi’s. I should totally see if he’d like to go for drive with me, so we can spend some time together. I really miss him.
Even if I get the narrative wrong, and a lot of the time I do, it does help me to refocus. I stop thinking about what I don’t have, what I want, and start thinking about how God is working in my life or the lives of people around me. I look for the good. Remember the tagline for Joy with Jamie? Look for the good, reflect the light, and find joy. If we are looking for the good, we won’t have time for being jealous. Flip that script.
Finding Joy: Is there something that someone else has that you really want for yourself? Is focusing on that stealing your joy? Practice flipping the script. The more you practice, the better you will get at it. And the more you learn about the nature of God and the closer you get to Him, the better you will get at this also. This side of Heaven we cannot fully understand what God is doing when he gives or withholds things from us, but we can know that He is good and wants to give us hope and a future.
Related Scripture:
2 Corinthians 9:8 – And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work.
James 1:11 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Hebrews 13:5 – Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Exodus 20:17 – You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Mark 12:31 – The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.
Proverbs 14:30 – A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
Matthew 7:11 – If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
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